Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
