That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
