is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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