biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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