Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
