I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
