I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
