I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
