I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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