if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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