I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
