Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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