she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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