I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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