He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
