think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
