dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
