Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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