The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
