Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
