It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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