Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
