DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
