Cold hands, warm shart.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
