The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
