when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
