Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
