3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
