I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
