Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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