I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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