We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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