oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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