Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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