i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
