My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
