***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
