i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
