dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
