I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
