Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
