Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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