Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
