Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
