if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
