ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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