I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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