Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
