I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
