Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
