I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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