well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
