Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
