The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
