My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
