he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
