Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
