i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
