Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
